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Lands End To John O'Groats for Comic Relief |
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As Lenny Henry, Davina and Myself, wiped a tear from our eyes, (OK they were on TV) we were all touched by the plight of the poor people shown in the documentary, but what could I do? Never being one to think before acting, I spoke to those nice people at World Of BMW and printed off some sponsor forms. 10 days to go and it had to be funny, lots of people have done "end to end" so I had to do it in keeping with "comic relief", so, Gorilla suit it was. BMW GB very kindly supplied a K1200LT, the absolute limousine of the range, However, they did this knowing very little of my background or biking history. You see I come from the "brain out pie in" school of motorcycling, a 41 yr old, on his third childhood, someone who thinks wheelies are clever and an ex road racer, (Oh! Did I forget to mention that, Kylie ). That's Ok, not a particularly good road racer more like someone who started at the bottom, and liked it there! Writng this as someone with NO experience at all of large touring motorcycles, I've been very surprised even shocked with with my findings. Thursday 13thDown to Lands end (From Liverpool 7Hrs) to me the bike felt as heavy as a small cottage, that is, until you get off the motorway and put the electric screen down, you realise just how nimble the LT actually is, especially on the last few miles to Lands end which is quite narrow and twisty . Took a few pictures and went to sleep. Friday 14thLeft at 3am, The plan was to do the motorway section first so I could enjoy Scotland in daylight. Started getting light around 7am near Bristol, and people were starting to snigger, what were they laughing at? I'd almost forgot about the suit and the red wig fitted to my crash helmet, but in reality it was helping to keep me warm, when the on board computer was telling me that it was -1 degrees C. What was I thinking, didn't sleep to good, long day ahead, getting laughed at by grumpy motorists and to add to that it's freezin' Anyhow! What's all this fuss about heated stuff, lets give it a try? MMMmmmm... How have I managed all these years without that? I've only been riding 23 yrs and it's like someone has just shown me where second gear was! Past the midlands it's getting lighter, even the sun starts to show its face I've never felt so comfy, warm and relaxed after 400miles. Now, I don't mind them laughing I even start to laugh back! I felt a bit like Ken Dodd at a gig, actually being responsible for bringing a little joy into someones day. I still got the usual inconsiderate drivers, you're bound to get a few in this many miles "sorry mate I couldn't signal, I would have had to put the phone down" or "my big mac & large fries". As the day went on it just got better, easier, funnier, Thanks to the nice lady near Lancaster who smiled then gave me some money for the fund, that was the beginning, I didn't have to ask, the further North I got,the more they gave, it's not true what they say about the Scots. One thing I did notice is not many sports bike owners acknowledge my existence anymore they don't like me now even though I used to be one of them, but now I am weak, I have discovered the secret of heat & comfort, the secret of big miles and how to cross continents in a single bound What's the point of touring if you're in agony when you get there, you don't remember the countries you visited just the pain in your bones, I know my trip to Switzerland last year would have been different, had I not gone on my present bike GSX1400. Now I discover, my new friends have Goldwings and they're a much friendlier bunch they nod,wave & flash their light's with real sincerity, Yep! I think they mean, it, not the polite nod of your average biker, they actually want to be my friends, would probably come round for tea, or move in (if I'd let them). One Wing owner even had a long red wig on his helmet, not sure if this was for red nose day,or everyday, We may never know? Had radio 2 on for a while, "non-stop oldies " Hey that's me! only stopped every 180 miles or so, very easy to gauge thanks to the range estimator on the computer. Then I listened to a local station near Edinburgh they were talking about a Gorilla on a motorbike on the motorway, who is this lunatic? More people started honking & waving Some guy even took my picture on his phone .
Then it happened! 2 bikers parked at the side of a dual carriageway dressed in dayglo green suits, (don't think it was for comic relief either). Their jaws dropped as I passed and sure enough 4 miles later, blue lights everywhere, " surely I wasn't speeding officer?" "No mate! we want a picture of you! And here's some money for your effort" Top guys! They put some money in the box, shook hands, laughed and left! But not before checking out my bike and asking what I thought of it.. Then there was the garage manager near Perth, who paid to fill the bike up from his own pocket. Garage stops were always fun and quite often the bike was more of a talking point than my attire, people would jokingly ask if it had a radio ? I would smugly reply "yes! and a 6 CD changer" Never really stopped for long, Refuel, Mars bar, a bucket of Red Bull and a jog round the forecourt to stretch my legs, did the LT have a bathroom in the left hand pannier? ( maybe a future option)? One of the main reasons I didn't collect any speeding tickets, (and in this kind of mileage it would be easy to accrue enough points to win a toaster), was the cruise control, what a useful bit of kit, just set it a tad over the given speed limit, (allowing for speedo optimism) and forget it. The other use for it, is testing your ability down twisty lanes, seeing how long you can stay at a set speed without braking (only joking). Once you're in Scotland you think "I'm nearly there now" WRONG! You still have about 6 hrs of beautiful country lanes, it's like the "Donnington Park" on steroids That's when the K1200LT came into its own, phenomenal handling for a machine of this size in my opinion, you don't often get into trouble, but when you do the memory lingers, the only threat to my safety was being slapped to death by a gorilla suit that was too big and had huge flares, flapping in the wind, ( it was made that way to fit over my leathers). The last 100 miles were pure pleasure, the main worry is running out of fuel, apparently there's not many petrol stations. So I filled up and tucked in behind one of the locals in a Rover GTI (or something) for a few miles, until the road became damp and he demonstrated his local knowledge, & I demonstrated why I'm not competing in GP's. he disapeared over the beautiful horizon Still, I really enjoyed the handling on these roads & made good time (as the LT was now run in). Then making a big entrance into the bar at The John O'Groats Hotel. around 7pm and announcing (to the barman & one customer) that I had come from Lands End. Was greeted by "Oh! I suppose you'd better sign the book then" It seems that everyone who goes there has come from Lands End . I then heard endless stories of crazy determined people on skateboards and motorised armchairs etc etc... Well it was a big deal to me and I'd recommend it, there was a lot of laughs and a sense of acheivement at the end., because however you do it, it's a long way. Saturday 15th - Going Home8 or 9 hrs to get home seemed almost easy, no pressure, took a few photos on the way. Select a CD depending on your mood, I even had one of highland Riverdance type music to get the full effect, picturing myself in Braveheart instead of Mel Gibson, and dreaming about the girl I didn't meet. Sorry, back to the real world, I left the suit on for the trip home, mainly to keep warm, but that didn't stop people giving me money, and laughing! Only it's not red nose day any more and people wonder if I'm making a statement. If there's a group of you people usually understand it's for a cause, but when you're alone people just think you're a bit odd. Home for 9pm, 1800 miles in 3 days, 900 of those on Red nose day, with a silly suit on. Even took the bike out Sunday afternoon for a "little ride." The BMW had to be prised from my hands on the Monday, while I rode my cold, uncomfortable, wobbly little 1400 home, where I have a hospital appointment to have a huge grin removed. Roy O'Hara PS.. Can I borrow it for a track day in the summer..??? Thanks ToGod, for a safe journey. BMW Great Britain. For the bike (amazing) and sponsorship from staff. These people helped raise almost £1000 at very short notice.
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